it is very unfortunate that i grew up embarrassed to the level i did. i know we all grew up feeling some amount of embarrassment. there was just a particular subject that, for me, was cringe worthy.
f u c k i n g.
i would have people around me talk about their dirty deeds while i would sit in silence, maybe nod and smile to contribute.
it wasn’t until recently that i was even comfortable saying ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ in front of someone. which i know, sounds silly, but it made me extremely uncomfortable. <similar to the word ‘cunt’.> i did what i could to avoid calling them by their anatomical names.
sex with the lights on? AHA. even in the best shape of my life i found it a little out of place. and it has nothing to do with confidence. more so because i felt dirty having someone look at me naked. i felt like it’s something that was just very private. i was able to convince myself to engage in sexual encounters with the lights off. alcohol definitely helped.
because of this, it wasn’t until the last few years that i started to understand sex more. specifically in regards to pleasure. **self pleasure**
tell me WHY my 28 year old self has barely understood how to make myself orgasm? it’s legit my body, my person, and i haven’t known how it works?
sex or not, i was as vanilla as they came.
i’m not ashamed to say i’ve spent some time trying to educate myself. i have done some reading on different fetishes and of course even self exploration to figure out what I need in the bedroom.
it’s not that i have little to no experience in the bedroom. just uneducated and unfamiliar with how to maximize my pleasure.
it’s that we are literally taught that (in a heterosexual relationship) the male orgasm is what matters. clearly no one just said, ‘the man is the only one that matters’. well, that’s another discussion. you understand what i’m saying though.
giving birth. periods. orgasms. taboooooooo.
you’re almost made to feel kind of dirty? society as a whole did this. i say ‘did’ because my generation and those after are making these subjects acceptable to talk about now. where as growing up, not so much.
at a certain point, i started feeling better about it.
why can’t i be open about sex? why do i have to feel guilty asking for certain things in the bedroom? never made sense why i should feel ashamed giving myself a little love.
honestly, masturbation (there’s that cringe word) is super healthy. who here can’t tell me they aren’t high as a fucking kite after they’ve received pleasure? like you could be in a pissed off mood, but after a little play time, your attitude has done a 180??
if you aren’t already, take time to regularly give yourself that attention you’re craving. try some sheeet out with your partner, see what works and what doesn’t.
Blog. 